Dear 'I Belong in a Tool Box,'

I am very surprised at how you are handling my recent termination.
I called you several times today and despite the fact that you are
probably having a shit day, you should have returned my calls. Listen,
I understand that you are under a lot of stress, considering the fact
that you recently fucked up your first marketing investment, but you
need to acknowledge that your stupidity didn't just hurt your
employers, it hurt your employees as well. You lost the company money
and you screwed over the staving artist you hired. You basically
sucked all around.

And the fact that you were only hired in the first
place because of a family friend only fuels my impression of you as
someone who sucks in a major way. And even though you smile a shit
ton, at the end of the day your annoyingly consistent smile doesn't
even come close to balancing out the fucked up shit you do when you
are not smiling. With that said I am sure you at least now understand why i am so
confused and frustrated with your decision to terminate me.

I mean, "mono y mono…", you screwed me over and you know it. You know
that compared to my fellow employees I was the least of your worries.
You fired me because your job was in jeopardy and you needed to
display authoritative management. If only your superiors knew that
your interpretation of management lacked any degree of intellect and
functioned purely on image. You fired me simply because you could, and
not because it was beneficial to the company. That's why every time
you lecture new employees about working for the company and not for
you, you cringe because you remember the extent to which you don't
follow what you preach. You're that person!!!!!

But, whatever. I believe in karma.

So in conclusion, I want to stress that I am Ok with your decision
for terminating me. At least I know that tomorrow I can wake up
unemployed and happy and that you will forever wake up with the face
of a melted stone tool.

Now I feel bad because it just hit me the extent to which your life
sucks and will continue to suck. I wish I hadn't been so hard on
you….but actually no I don't. You suck and you should pay.

Best
Former Employee #1

P.S. Boooooo! Queen of Filth! Queen of Garbage!